Do you ever find yourself in a toy overwhelm situation? Surrounded by a billion toys poured out everywhere and a bored child (how is this possible!?) who cannot or will not clean them up? Meanwhile, you are stepping on Legos and tripping over dolls…It’s overwhelming and frustrating for everyone involved. If this sounds like you, keep reading for three simple things that can save you from having your life taken over by toys! You CAN stop toy overwhelm!
-> Read to the bottom for a bonus tip <-
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1) stop toy overwhelm: Make cleaning clean and clear
If your directions on how to clean are not clean and clear, you’re headed for trouble. Start by knowing where you end: where does each toy go and in what way? This is VERY important. If you don’t know what clean is supposed to look like, neither will your child. For example, let’s say you ask them to clean up the stuffed toys. Here are a few versions of “cleaning up” that you could find yourself confounded by:
- A giant pile of stuffed toys in the corner of the room/on a chair/at random on the bed
- All of the stuffed toys stuffed under the bed/in the back of the closet/in the underwear drawer
- Some put away, some “displayed” or “left out because I’m still playing with them”
If you have a super clear direction from the beginning, you will have a much higher chance for success! Here are a few things you should consider trying:
- Label your bins. Create labels for your bins with words and/or pictures that show exactly what goes into every bin. From there, each bin could have a more specific label (the big red bin is labeled for big dolls and the little red bin is for little dolls), but you don’t have to get that detailed if you don’t want to. You can also label bins by name so that kids know who is in charge of keeping that toy in order. Delegation can be a huge asset!
- Color coding your bins. This is great for large collections of blocks or other building materials if your family likes them separated by color. As well, you may color code different types of toys: building blocks go in blue bins, books live in the green bins, stuffed toys go into the yellow bins, and dolls are put away when they are in red bins. From there, each bin could have a more specific label if you’d like (the big red bin is labeled for big dolls and the little red bin is for little dolls) but you don’t have to get that detailed if you don’t want to.
- After picture. Have an “after” picture of what you want the area to look like when it is clean. You may need multiple after pictures of different areas (a picture of the room, a picture of the closet, a picture under the bed) depending on where toys have found themselves “cleaned” before
2) Stop toy overwhelm: only supply as many toys as they can handle
Now that we know where it lives, how many things are going to live in reach and how many are going to be out of the way? Montessori often talks about toy rotation and you’ll see a little bit of that here. If you have too many toys available, you might be shaking your head with your face in your hands because:
- The only game they seem to be playing is “spread out the toys and don’t actually use them”
- They always want more of this, and more of those, and can’t seem to be satisfied with everything they already have
- They destroy toys because there are plenty of other ones to play with, so who cares?
By limiting the number of toys that are available at any one time, you are aiding your child’s ability to regulate themselves. If there is too much and they are having sensory overload, are overwhelmed, or can’t “appreciate” what they have leading to messes everywhere and constant battles, it’s because they are kids. There is nothing wrong with them; they just don’t have the skills to work through these things yet and can’t handle the responsibility of so many toys. That’s okay, that’s why we are here as adults: we need to set them up for success and help them develop these skills. In this case, that means having less available and thus less to regulate. Here are some tips for moving forward:
- Right amount of toys for your sanity. You already know that you have too many out and about right now (that’s where the overwhelm is coming from). To judge the right amount, I usually aim to provide the number of toys that can be cleaned up (well) in 5 or 10 minutes. That means that if the toys got scattered an adult had to clean them up, I could get it done in 5-10mins (this will help in the next section too). Here is another way to look at it:
- Can we clean when motivation is high? When you have the time (and I can’t stress that you may need a lot of time), tell your child what they need to do before they can move on to the next super fun activity. Now, wait. Again, step one “My dear, I need to see all of the bikes in the garage before we go get ice cream” and step two, wait. If they have trouble getting it done even when something awesome is coming up, there are too many toys. If they are able to get everything taken care of when they have high motivation, then you are probably at about the right number of toys.
- Provide the category, they choose the toys. Let’s say that your child (like so many children) is WAY into Legos but also can’t keep them under control. Letting them fill a bucket or tub with the Legos they want to use for the day/week/month/however long that works for you allows them to have some control. As well, as they show that they are able to handle that amount responsibly, the receptacle can increase in size. Eventually, we hope that they can handle all of the Legos!
3) stop toy overwhelm: Set a boundary for your child and describe it in safety terms (not punishment terms)
Okay, now that you know where everything goes, set a boundary around how it needs to get there. This can mean a time frame, a time of day, or before a certain activity. If you don’t have this in place, you may face-palm as you see:
- A tiny amount of picking up taking hours to get done
- A constant battle around who does what when and how much and how it’s not fair and how you are the meanest adult that has ever graced the face of this earth
- Kids feeling like they didn’t have a chance to do the right thing and are now being punished for it
By setting a very clear boundary, you can set yourself and your child up for success. Here is the key around safety: it’s not about punishing them, it’s about keeping you, them, and the items safe. Try these on for size:
- Supportive Timers. Give your child a set amount of time or a time of day to clean something up (with or without help) so that everyone (including the items) are safe. Set a timer that has a visual they can understand (a Time Timer is great for little ones, a count down is plenty as we get older, and a simple time on a clock can be a good fit for many teens). I linked a few options from Amazon in the pictures in this section. If it isn’t clean by the time the timer goes off, the adult will need to step in and make sure that everything and everyone is safe. Once the adult finishes, the items will be put in a safe place for the rest or the day or week. Remember: they are not in trouble, you just had to be the adult and step in to make sure everything was put away safely. It’s okay, we can try again another day.
- Re-frame it with some imagination. Who in the world helps people stay safe? Fire fighters, police, doctors, all kinds of people! Instead of clean up time, what if we make it about being a helping person and keeping the items safe? For example: It’s not clean up time, it’s bed time for toys and kids pretend to be a parent and tuck their toys safely into bed. It’s not clean up time, it’s a fire drill and kids are in charge of helping them get to safety! These little changes can help motivate kids to turn a difficult task into an enjoyable activity–what a great life skill! Having a special hat to wear during this non-cleaning cleaning time can be helpful for getting into the right frame of mind (I have linked a few options here).
Conclusion and bonus tip
You are not alone. So many families deal with this. This does not mean that you are a bad parent or that your child is spoiled, it means that you have a challenge to work through and it’s going to be okay. Give yourself a break and take the time to set up some new boundaries that will help you maintain your sanity (because that is VERY important to you and your child’s well being) and help your child develop the skills they need to succeed and be a part of the solution.
You are a good parent!
Here is your bonus tip: If your child needs some support working through cleaning up or knowing how many toys to take out at a time, a token board can be extremely helpful. You can have them take a token off for each toy they take out (which limits the number of toys taken out) and put it back on when they put the toy back (which helps them responsibly monitor their own actions and self regulate. We have a large gallery of token boards available to you, ready to print and use in all kinds of different themes. Click here to check it out and don’t forget: this is just a challenge that can be overcome. We are here to help.
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