Man transitions can be hard for kids…leaving the tablet is a tough transition. Going to the car and leaving behind your super sweet house is a tough transition. Going to bed can cause a serious case of FOMO (fear of missing out) and be a super tough transition. If your child struggles with transitions, we have three secrets to share with you (and you don’t have to keep them to yourself!)
Note: Some of the links on this page are affiliate links, meaning that if you click them, ABH may get a small commission. This is at no cost to you and allows us to offer more low- and no-cost options to families. Thank you!
What makes transitions tough?
Transitions are a bunch of things all at once and that is what makes them to hard. The more elements at play, the harder it’s going to be. Count up how many of these things are occurring during your hardest transitions:
- Leaving something they like
- Going to something they don’t like or like less than what they were doing
- Leaving something predictable to go to something less predictable or known (like from the home to the school bus, or from the warm couch to a bath with an unknown temperature, unknown bubble level, and unknown toy selection)
- Changing locations
- Changing who will be present
- Changing smells, sights, or other sensory input
- so…much…more
What is missing on this list for you and your child? You’ll quickly see that there are a lot of things at play around and intertwined with transitions.
Tough transition trick #1: Timers are your friend
I’m sure this isn’t the first time you have heard this, but here me out: there is some secret sauce here.
Imagine if you were watching your favorite show and someone came up, switched it off, and said you needed to mow the lawn right now: you might be a little agitated. You may have a pretty tough transition yourself (or outright refuse to transition at all). Adding a timer and some warning can help alleviate this transition stress because you know what is coming. Simply put, it can feel more fair.
The secret here is to make kids a part of the timer discussion. The more they are involved in implementation, the better off you will be because (1) you are helping them learn to self regulate, (2) you may get some more buy in, and (3) you’re respecting them as a human with opinions about when they transition. Here are a few ways that you can get them involved:
- Give them a choice about how long the timer is: Do you want to end in 2 minutes or 3 minutes?
- Let them set the timer: Ok, we are leaving in 3 mins. Do you want to push start on the timer?
- Give them the choice to “beat the timer”: When the timer goes off, we need to get in the bath. If you decide to talk upstairs before the timer goes off, we can do tub paint!
This 8″ Time Timer is a perfect tool for helping with transitions – click here to buy it now!
There are a ton of ways to get your kids involved with the timer so that you have an awesome transition instead of a tough transition.
Tough transition trick #2: Practice, practice, and then practice
There is a procedure in applied behavior analysis (ABA) called Behavior Skills Training or BST. This procedure used as frequently in board rooms and professional coaching as it is in therapy settings. Here is the basic set up: Talk about it, model it, let them practice while you provide support and feedback, master it! Let’s focus on the explaining and modeling parts for today.
Start with: what do you want? Probably the opposite of a tough transition…a peaceful transition perhaps?
IMPORTANT NOTE: Now that you know what you are looking for, let them know what you are looking for and not what you are not looking for.
This is a simple but very important distinction: I don’t want to see transitions with no yelling, I want to see transitions with indoor voices.
Alright, now it’s time to model! There are a lot of ways to model transitions:
- Act it out
- Use toys like dolls and action figures and have them go through the transitions
- Do practice runs with your child when things are calm and the transition isn’t really happening
This is a good time to get creative! If you are worried that you need some creativity support, here is our creativity course.
This course will teach you how to create more learning and play opportunities and is a great way to develop your skills. The course is called Creativity at work: 11 tools to create play and learning opportunities that won’t bore your kids.
Tough transition trick #3: Backwards teaching
The best way to learn and truly master something is often to teach.
Start with that modeling. Model being frustrated and making another choice: It’s time to leave the park and man it would be fun to just stay there forever. When it’s time to go, talk about the feeling and what you are doing instead of becoming upset. For example: “Oh man, we feel mad and sad that it’s time to go home. I’m going to wave bye to the park–bye park! I will miss you! See you later alligator!”
Now do this about 10-50 more times. What you want is for your child to start initiating the goodbye and good transition sequence on their own before you move to the last step.
Next time you are at the park, talk about the feeling and ask them what you should do to work through it. Have them tell YOU how to avoid that tough transition and have an awesome time.
Tough transitions are normal and temporary, You can do it!
Lots of kids (see: all kids at some point) struggles with tough transitions. Put these secrets to work and know that we are hear to give you more support: start with a free Discovery Call 🙂
Want more free resources and a free eBook on the cost of behavior? We can do that for you! Sign up now!